this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
