It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
