so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
