8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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