38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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