my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
