Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
