No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
