Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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