i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
