If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
