i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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