It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize