she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
