i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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