My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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