you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
