How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
