I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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