If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
