We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
