It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
