she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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