Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
