so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
