The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
