somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
