I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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