I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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Gay?
German.
Pity.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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