Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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