He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize