I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
