I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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