Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
