when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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