I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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