So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
