you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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