it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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