We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize