Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
