no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
