Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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