She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
