Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
