he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
