the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
