Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
