hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize