I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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