OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
