yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
