grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
