Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
