My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
