you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
