Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
