Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
