New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
