yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This girl is more easily done than said...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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