Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
