i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
