I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
