My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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