I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
