I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
