hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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